


Divine Comedy

by TheTimelessChild0



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Desperation, Embarrassment, Friendship, Wetting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-02-01 04:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21381418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/TheTimelessChild0
Summary: The Devil's bladder evokes the "pee" in therapy.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Divine Comedy

Lucifer sat down on Dr Martin’s sofa, with his cup of coffee. He assumed it would be like any other meeting. He began by repeating his frustration about being made the bad guy, his idea of himself as evil, and so forth. Typical drill. Linda pushed for progress by inviting stories from Lucifer’s childhood, as Samael. Before the Fall. He did so, taking some rather large gulps of coffee to get past the pain and anger at his father. 

He began to hesitate before answering some usually simple questions, because he needed to pee. There wasn’t much he could do in this situation. This was not the way he wanted to present the amusing new aspect of his mortality and humanity to her. Nor did he want to just ask her for the loo. That was embarrassing, and completely out of the picture. 

The conversation took a turn towards the even less helpful when Linda brought up dilemmas that God was faced with, ways in which he attempted to test humans, and the god-given power of his prophets. The  _ flood _ that led to Noah’s Ark. Said Ark floated as much as Lucifer’s back teeth. Then there was the story of the Red Sea. An apt name for the sloshing contents of his bladder. Thanks to the table in front of him, Lucifer was able to tightly cross his legs. He began praying in his head for Linda to receive a phone call, so she would leave the room and allow him to go in one of her potted plants. With his hands clasped together in his lap, tightly pressing his crotch, Lucifer managed one last introspection while counting down the last 60 seconds of their session. 

“Well, this was a productive conversation. I think that’s enough for today.” Linda announced, getting up. 

Lucifer mentally thanked his father, getting up as well. But the second he stood, his bladder said; “let there be pee”. It released completely. 

“Oh no..,” he remarked hopelessly, as his trousers became redder and redder, and wetter and wetter. He soaked himself down to the floor, making a spot on the carpet. 

Linda just stood there with her mouth open in horror. 

“Oh my god! Lucifer, you’re bleeding!” she exclaimed in worry. 

“I’ll call 911,” she announced running towards her desk. 

  
“Stop! I don’t need an ambulance,” Lucifer stopped her. 

“Is the wound going to magically heal itself?” Linda asked, unsure about the biology of the Devil. 

He shook his head slowly keeping both hands up to signal that he still didn’t need an ambulance. Lucifer blushed wildly. He had to tell her. 

“I’m not bleeding. This is not blood,” he stated. 

“Then, what is it?” she asked confused. 

Lucifer took a deep breath. “Urine,” 

Linda had to remember the amount of bullying Lucifer had endured from his siblings, to keep herself from expressing even the slightest disgust. She was a Doctor, she had to remain tolerant in the face of pee. 

“Oh...how did this happen?” she asked carefully, walking towards Lucifer. 

“Coffee is a diuretic..I didn’t want to admit I needed to go, I’m really sorry, Linda,” Lucifer explained apologetically. 

“I’ll go check if Amenadiel’s here,” Linda suggested, walking to the door. 

“No! He can’t know,” he protested. 

“He’s your brother. He can help you better than I,” she pointed out. Lucifer nodded. 

Amenadiel stepped out of his office and went over to the water cooler. He was stopped by Dr Martin coming out of her office. 

“You’re here! Wonderful,” Linda remarked. Amenadiel smiled subtly at the compliment, before noticing that her patient was not next to her, about to leave the building. 

“Where’s Lucifer?” he asked curiously. 

“That’s what I need your help with. He’s waiting in there..he had a little, ok, decently sized.. _ accident _ ,” Linda attempted to explain. 

“What kind of accident?” Amenadiel asked. 

“You’ll see” she beckoned him into her office. 

Inside, Amenadiel found his brother looking very sullen, with his head down, and soaked in red liquid. 

“Did you bleed?” he asked his brother carefully, touching his shoulder. 

Lucifer simply shook his head. 

“Then, what’s this all over you?” Amenadiel asked.

Lucifer raised his head and looked at his brother with his teary, shame-filled eyes.

“Pee. I wet myself,” he informed his brother bitterly. 

Amenadiel realized what was going on. Angels, even fallen ones, don’t urinate. It must be a new symptom of his mortality. 

Deciding he needed to talk to Lucifer back at his home, in private, he miracled the stain out of Linda’s carpet. 

“You won’t even smell it,” he informed Dr Martin. He signalled for Lucifer to follow him. “Come on, Samael. No one will see you from the air,” Amenadiel reassured his brother, putting an arm around him. 

Since very few knew his old name, and even his siblings used it rarely, hearing it from his brother was incredibly meaningful. He put his head on Amenadiel’s shoulder, leaning into the closeness. The two walked quickly out of the building, before taking flight. Lucifer appreciated the way the wind dried his trousers a little bit. 

  
  
  


Back at Lux, Lucifer hopped in the shower, and changed. He felt sufficiently clean afterwards to also shake off the embarrassment. 

“Now, I suppose you want an explanation,” he remarked as he sat down opposite his brother. 

  
“I get the part about you peeing. Another way you’ve become more human as an effect of being here,” Amenadiel noted. Lucifer nodded. 

“What I don’t know is how the pee you recently have in your bladder, ended up in your pants,” he introduced his curiosity. “Don’t worry, I understand. This is new experience for you, and it must be very difficult to adapt to. But I still want to know how time ran out,”

“I had a cup of coffee with me, I drank it really quickly. I didn’t want to admit to Dr Martin that I needed to go, that would be really embarrassing. So, I just held it in,” Lucifer explained. 

“Okay. Well, next time you see Dr Linda, I want you to explain to her your unfamiliarity with urination. And, if you happen to not have gone to the bathroom before the session, I want you to tell her, and go  _ during _ . I know you know as well as I not to be too quiet about your needs to others,” Amenadiel instructed. Lucifer nodded slowly in surrender. 

“Yes, Chloe and Dan have witnessed by biology as well, they’ve encouraged openness in a very helpful way,” he assured his brother. 

And that was that. 

The End. 


End file.
